Last night I went to see DECIDE, which defiantly bills itself as "THE Urban Musical".

It is written, directed, and produced by Stuart Knight, a 30-year old motivational speaker.

Stuart also acts in it alongside five other actor/singers. It plays every Saturday night in a loft on Queen Street West. It's a musical revue about deciding to be the master of your own life, making changes, relationships, connectivity, sensitivity, nativity, and hyperactivity (sorry, I can't seem to stop rhyming ever since I walked out of the show...). It combined dialogue scenes with songs and hip hop poetry. Lots of hip hop poetry.

Here is Stuart's explanation of the show's theme, from the Web site:

Why Did I Write This Show?

It's 2am in the morning and I've just been asked to come up with text explaining why I wrote this show. The answer is simple, turn on your TV at 2 am in the morning, channel surf for 5 minutes, and you'll know why.

When people ask me where I want to take this show, I am reminded of interviews of big time television executives. Almost always in those interviews, you'll hear a sentence saying "I want to take this to every household in the country." I'm always bothered by those kinds of lines because it assumes that people want you in their personal space. Does the idea of having my material rooted in every home in the country excite me? Of course it does; but, only if I'm invited. It's like a relationship, there's nothing worse than being with someone that you know does not want to be with you. So, when people ask me, where do I want to take this show? I want to be able to walk down the street and see nothing but open doors.

If you find that confusing, keep reading. If that makes perfect sense to you, stop reading now and go see the show next Saturday by reserving a seat off the Web site at www.decideshow.com.

Here's my quick summary: When the cast was talking I wished they were singing; and when they were singing I wished they were talking. And then I wished it would end.

First of all let me say that I applaud Stuart for doing it. He's out there doing live theater every Saturday and people are paying money ($20) to see it. So kudos for that. And the cast are extremely committed and gave it their all. So kudos for that too.

But overall it was a self-indulgent, preachy, pretentious, cliche-ridden show. Imagine a musical written by Tony Robbins, and you'll get a pretty good idea of last night's experience.

In my opinion the music and lyrics were amateurish. Every song was wailed a la American Idol to signify its emotional importance.

And Stuart likes to talk...a lot. I can't help but think that, as the writer, if he was really worried about the quality of the show he would get off the stage, cast another actor to play his roles and sit in the audience and watch it.

But I think the show has a bigger purpose. It is designed as a show and an after party where you mingle with the other members of the audience. You're invited to wear a Snuggle button if you wish to be approached for conversational purposes (a technique from Stuart's "Art of Conversation" workshop, we are told).

It is also designed as a springboard for Stuart's motivational workshops and other party venues (we were also invited to head over to the big hip hop party he was throwing on King Street that night). As a former marketer I really like this whole concept of using a show to market other stuff, but as a result I'm not sure the show itself receives top priority.

With all that being said, the audience (an urban, late '20s, early '30s crowd) loved the show, seemed to be having a good time, and they gave the show a standing ovation at the end.

Me, I stood up to leave.

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