Or, would you like fries with that performance?

I was shopping in Times Square a couple of weeks ago, when I popped into the Virgin Megastore to get out of the heat. I came across a table of McDonald's "retro" merchandise, mostly t-shirts. To my utter joy I found a blue "Big Mac Attack, attack, attack..." t-shirt! To give you some background, I worked at a McDonald's when I was in high school. I did fries, and cash. For some reason they wouldn't let me cook! Hmmmm.

Needless to say I excelled at cash, and would often win the lunch hour challenge -- who had the greatest receipt total after the lunch rush was over. Of course, I was only able to do this by stealing other people's cheeseburgers and such, and by suggestive selling. No, not "hey big boy can I take your order", but "would you like fries with that". Almost all of the time, they did. But I digress. The reason I took the job was so I could afford to purchase dance lessons at Roland & Romaine dance studio (Mike Myers is an alumnus) so I could begin training for my life as a Broadway dancer. I never fulfilled that dream (I discovered that I don't care much for physical pain) but I can still time step with the best of them.

Anyhoo, I was working at Micky D's during the launch of their "Big Mac Attack" ad campaign, and hungry to perform. Our daring store manager thought it would be a good idea to really bring that campaign to life in our store, really bring it to the customers. No sooner had he said "maybe we could do a skit or something" than I shot up my hand and volunteered. Well, he decided to do more than just a skit -- we would do a full tilt "attack"! So I volunteered to dress up like Patty Hearst (hey, I was young and foolish) and was given a plastic shotgun. The plan was to burst into the McDonald's store and yell "This is a Big Mac Attack" and proceed to terrorize (as only I could -- if any of you out there know what I was like in high school, you should be on the floor laughing by now) the customers (yeah, the seniors and the kiddies) in search of Big Macs. Then I bounded up to the cash and demanded a bag of Big Macs from a "terrorized" cash person (they were in on it, but still a little shocked at my deep commitment to this role) and then leave in a getaway car.

Yikes. Looking back on it I shudder. It was a different time, I guess. Since I was speeding away in the getaway car I didn't get to see the full fallout of my tour de force, but let's just say we closed after one performance. I'm not sure what happened to that store manager, but I eventually left McDonald's to pursue my acting career more fully in Queen's Musical Theatre, where I would eventually play "killer diller" Velma Kelly. Hmmmm...coincidence? I think not.

So now I can remember the crazy days of my youth as I wear my "Big Mac Attack" t-shirt.

Technorati tags: Broadway Music Movie Musicals Musicals Blog Blogs Theater Theatre Entertainment